section30.comSection 30 Materials Materials for Sale Bark Rock

Skip to content Section 30 The most ground-breaking independent tailgating publication in east-central North Carolina. Menu and widgets 31-27 Posted on November 16, 2007 January 5, 2018 Author Wagon Leave a comment on 31-27 Shindig 2007 in Pictures…. Formulate a plan….. Execute the plan….. The results….. The rest….. Posted on July 25, 2007 January 5, 2018 Author Wagon Leave a comment on Shindig 2007 in Pictures…. Getting To Know Your Cities: Jackson, TN The Jackson, TN official website describes the city in this way: Located in the center of West Tennessee between Nashville and Memphis, Jackson welcomes its visitors with big city amenities and small town hospitality. Jackson is home to legendary Carl Perkins, Casey Jones Village, the Miss Tennessee Scholarship Pageant, The West Tenn Diamond Jaxx, the NAIA Division 1 Women’s National Championship basketball tournament, and much more. Jackson and Madison County residents are drawn to the beautiful landscape, abundance of recreational opportunities and close proximity to great dining and shopping. Jackson is a vibrant city that serves as the retail hub for thirteen surrounding counties. The Jackson/Madison County area is easy to promote because it has so much going for it. A superb location, a labor force with a strong work ethic, an unmatched transportation system, and a community that offers full amenities all combine to make Jackson the perfect location for industry.  Wow, Jackson sure sounds like a swell place to live and work and raise a family. But is there more than meets the eye? Let’s take a look. Official: Located in the center of West Tennessee between Nashville and Memphis, Jackson welcomes its visitors with big city amenities and small town hospitality. Translation: Nestled in bumfuck West Tennessee along the I-40 corridor between Memphis, the nation’s fifth most dangerous city, and Nashville, the nation’s fakest, Jackson welcomes all those “visitors” from other parts of Madison County who never took birth control and/or wore a condom, but were talented enough athletes to go to Union University or Jackson Community College and become upstanding car audio technicians at Best Buy. Official: Jackson is home to legendary Carl Perkins, Casey Jones Village, the Miss Tennessee Scholarship Pageant, The West Tenn Diamond Jaxx, the NAIA Division 1 Women’s National Championship basketball tournament, and much more. Translation: Carl Perkins was a rockabilly pioneer, writing “Blue Suede Shoes” for Elvis as well as three popular Beatles’ songs no one has ever heard of since The Beatles suck so hard; the town built a convention center and named it after him — it recently hosted a Buckcherry concert, to which the entire populace attended just to hear the town’s newly-adopted anthem “Crazy Bitch.” Casey Jones was a railroad engineer who collided with another train in Mississippi in 1900 — he was likely drunk, since after all, he did live in Jackson — and someone later immortalized him in a popular ballad for it. The West Tennessee Diamond Jaxx are a double-A minor league baseball club affiliated with the Seattle Mariners, who overcharge for tickets and don’t serve beer, a great combination for success in professional sports. There’s also some women’s shit thrown in for good measure. The “and more” part specifically refers to hanging out at Chili’s during Happy Hour. Official: Jackson and Madison County residents are drawn to the beautiful landscape, abundance of recreational opportunities and close proximity to great dining and shopping. Jackson is a vibrant city that serves as the retail hub for thirteen surrounding counties. Translation: There are no lakes, no rivers, no greenways; recreational opportunities refers entirely to the abundance of coke and meth — I think all the cool kids actually call it “smack” and “ice,” respectively, so when in Rome — available; great dining refers to Outback, Chilis, Olive Garden, and Longhorn; great shopping refers to TJ MAxx and Kohl’s. The fact that Jackson is a 13-county “hub” really speaks volumes towards the surrounding area (see the section on Walmart below). Official: The Jackson/Madison County area is easy to promote because it has so much going for it. A superb location, a labor force with a strong work ethic, an unmatched transportation system, and a community that offers full amenities all combine to make Jackson the perfect location for industry. Translation: Jackson has the only Walmart between Memphis and Nashville; in North Carolina terms, this would be like having the only Bojangle’s in the Triangle on Western Boulevard. For those that enjoy a featureless horizon in a landlocked state in a city that is 10 hours from the Gulf coast and seven hours from the Great Smokey Mountains, the location is superb. The labor force’s strong work ethic isn’t phased by the high unemployment rate due to smack/ice habits. Jackson is the perfect location for the chemical industry because manufacturers can pour their waste byproducts directly down the drain, or to be more efficient, directly into the sewers and/or creeks and no one would ever notice any difference. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to watch Transformers at the cash-only Cinema; I saw Live Free or Die Hard at said cinema yesterday and was extremely pleased with the sound-quality from the two boomboxes mounted on each side of the 56″ movie screen. For a North Carolina comparison city, see Worm’s future installment of “Getting To Know Your Cities: Rocky Mount, NC.”   Posted on July 8, 2007 July 8, 2007 Author R.L. Bentley III MD PhD Leave a comment on Getting To Know Your Cities: Jackson, TN Police Investigating Fat Man for Workplace Massacre Charlotte police officials are investigating Gary “Big Buddha” Feierstein in the deaths of 37 employees at the law offices of F. Scott McLewers. QC Police Lt. Jack Slim said Feierstein, who is well-known around Charlotte for his love of Twinkies, Ho-Hos and Money Shots, “dropped the deuce” during a drunken rampage through the office on the evening of March 24. Several drops – more like heapings – of the infamous Feierstein Dung were found throughout the third floor of the building.  According to preliminary lab reports, Feierstein’s excrement contained several ingredients known to be fatal for skinny people. The large amount of McLewers employees who arrive at work early Monday morning were all found dead in the main lobby. Apparently, the smell of the dung was so strong several of the employees died immediately. The one survivor, Jeremy F. McGinnis of Nash County, was also an overweight bastard prone to eating similar treats as Feierstein.  Lab tech Lucy Putitinmybutt said the Feierstein Dung was would be fatal to skinnier, healthier people, but people like McGinnis could “survive the super deuce because they have been desensitized to the smell coming from their own ass.”  Lt. Slim and other officers did search Feierstein’s Concord abode (you can call Charlotte all you want, but all I see out the window of that bitch is a fucking speedway – it that’s not Concord, I don’t know what is), but found a surprisingly clean house without any super deuce samples to compare to the fatal piles.  A History of Drunk Deuce Dropping?  Ron and Cyndi Crawford of Orlando, Florida, heard about the story and thought back to a few years earlier when Feierstein did the Drunk Super Deuce at their Altamonte Springs apartment. Because Feierstein was not quite so portly back then, that particular Drunk Super Deuce contained only regular stank, not the fatal kind.  Clearly, Feierstein has shown tendencies consistent with that of Disorderly Bowel Syndrome, says Dr. Matt “Chuck” Edwards. Edwards, who has studied anuses for the past four years (he studied the poon before that, but he got tired of it, if you know what I’m saying), believes Feierstein needs medical treatment, not prison time. “This subject does not show signs...